Reflection: Things I Did Over Winter Break

The Saturday I realized that I was in my final days of winter break, I began to feel defeated. Not that I wasn’t looking forward to going back to my university, but looking back all I could think about was what I didn’t do. I was overwhelmed by the plans that didn’t happen, and the goals I didn’t accomplish.

The projects I didn’t start, or couldn’t finish.

The shopping trips I planned but didn’t go on.

The people I didn’t see.

The cleaning I didn’t do.

The new tasks I wanted to work on with Peggy that just didn’t happen.

The books I didn’t read.

The blog posts that didn’t get written.

The time I didn’t spend with family.

All of the plans I had made for myself, all of these intentions I had had going into my break to be so productive and do all the things! Yet I sat on my kitchen floor, dragged down by POTS once again, and couldn’t help but feel it was all for nothing. I was grateful that I decided against taking a course over winter break; that wouldn’t have gone well. But I had 25 days at home. 25 days I had planned to get things done. I felt as though I had done nothing. My days felt stolen by the migraines, the drowning dizziness, and the unintended, yet necessary naps for the never-ending fatigue.

My mom brought me to the living room, supporting me as I walked, as the remaining dizziness in combination with more joint pain than usual required. For that, a 40 degree rise and 30 degree drop in temperature within 36 hours was to blame. As I sat there, fatigue, joint pain, dizziness and all, I mentioned that I felt I had done nothing. I started listing the things I hadn’t been able to achieve as I had intended, and was reminded that despite this, there was so much I had done. That while I had more bad days than good, I still did something everyday.

I can’t do everything. I never know how my body will behave on any given day.

Every hour can be different, an okay morning and a bad mid-day can be followed by a fantastic evening. I never know how I will feel or how my symptoms will change.

Despite the fact that I am fully aware of this, and it has been my normal for years now, it can still feel deflating from time to time when my to-do list seems a mile long. I must remind myself that it’s easier to remember the things I have yet to accomplish, than the things I already have.

Here’s to everyone else who feels they barely made a dent in their winter break to-do list. Because you’re probably like me, and actually accomplished about a million things. And then totally forgot about them.

For future Peyton to look back on, and to help you remember that the little accomplishments and movements forward are just as important as the big ones, here are some things I did over winter break:

My mom and I made two fleece blankets. One for Peggy that matches my bedding at school, and one for her friend who is expecting.

I went to nine appointments, and had one phone appointment. Most went well. That’s something to celebrate.

I started new treatments for new diagnoses.

Peggy and I worked on her off leash heel and recall, and she’s a pro. I’m so proud of my pup.

I learned a new way to pull my jaw back in to place when it slips out.

Two of my medications were switched to ones that will hopefully be more effective. Less side effects please!

I managed to spend a bit of time talking to nearly every family member on Christmas.

Both my Twitter and Instagram grew, and I was able to interact with more people on both platforms!

I found some awesome bloggers to follow.

I made graphics for some blog posts that have been sitting in my drafts for ages waiting for them. Now they just need a final read through and to be scheduled!

I made a cake.

My mom and I started reading the same medical literature, and discussing what we gathered from it.

I reflected on my first semester of college and wrote a blog post about it.

After that I set some goals for next semester. And wrote a blog post about that too.

My family and I caught up on all of our TV shows. A lot of popcorn was involved.

I woke up before 8:00 am everyday, with one exception.

I learned that Starbucks actually makes a second kind of tea I can have, after the first was discontinued. So I’m back to only being able to have one thing on the menu, but it’s better than nothing.

I got a bit of a head start in my computer science class next semester, by cracking open a textbook we happen to have at home about the same language.

I researched courses and made myself an academic plan, complete with on time graduation.

We had snow days! And I built and maintained cozy fires that helped keep us warm.

I did a significant amount of work on my current crochet project.

Big or small, I’d love to hear about your accomplishments over winter break, or over the winter/holiday season in general! Let me know in the comments what you did, so I can join in on the celebration.